Sasquatch and Yeti VI - The Final Chapter
Yeti awoke with a hairy scream, drenched with sweat. His fur had clumped up in knotted little balls under his armpits and this aggrivated him to no end. Since his pal Dick Cheney had gotten his colon cleansed with tabasco-man sauce he had been having nightmares. Three weeks had passed and Yeti was considering finding Manbeast himself just to get the whole ordeal over with. He had fallen back into his old ways of boozing and paying for sex. He always had a thing for cross-eyed siamese amputee baboons and lately his sexual appetite was out of control... anything to get his impending death off his mind. Yeti rolled out of bed and peeled off his fiesta themed thong underwear. He plopped a nugget or three into the shitter and gave it a hearty flush. He stood up and examined himself in the mirror. Pathetic. He made up his mind that very moment that he was going end this his way, even if it meant his own death.
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Nickhead Manbeast had just finished his third plate of BBQ sauce and sat down to crack open a fresh Milwaukee's Best when he heard a strange scratching noise coming from the front door. He looked out the peephole and saw nothing but the strange noise was still there. Scratch scratch scratch. Scratch scratch, meeeeoow. Poor little kitty. Manbeast opened the door.
BAMKAPOWBLASTSHITBANG! Yeti bashed Manbeast directly in the center of his chest sending him flying back 20 feet and slamming into the large statue of himself he had made from old Nintendo cartridges. "AHHHHHHHHHHHH!", Yeti screamed as he ran full blast at Manbeast. Nickhead got to his feet preparing to take Yeti on head to head. Just as Yeti was about to plow into him Manbeast dropped to one knee and delivered a vicious Ric Flair uppercut to the nutsack. The blow was so tremendous Yeti immediately bent over and puked on Nickheads back.
Manbeast - "Dude what the fuck?!? That's disgusting!"
Yeti - "I am truly sorry Manbeast, but that Ric Flair blow was devastating and tremendous. I could not contain my hurl."
Manbeast - "Well I suppose that's ok. It WAS pretty buttfucking tremendous. I'm curious, Yeti. How is it that a yeti such as yourself is familiar with Ric Flair?"
Yeti - "The Nature Boy is world famous, Manbeast. As a fan you should know this. Shall we continue with our battle to the death? Grey's Anatomy will be starting soon."
Manbeast - "I don't know, man. I'm not really in the mood anymore. I feel like a newborn vomit troll and I really need a shower. And what the hell were you eating? This shit smells like you were sucking the dick of cross-eyed siamese amputee baboon."
Yeti - "WE WILL NOT DISCUSS THAT NOW!!!!!"
Manbeast - "Dude, sorry. You know what, Yeti? Why are two Ric Flair fans fighting to the death anyway. I mean with your economic clout and my pure determination, we could really do some things. Like we could really do it, you know. Like all the way."
Yeti - "What are you talking about. Do what?"
Manbeast - "We could invent something, or maybe start a band or investment firm?"
Yeti - "You're a dumb ass."
Manbeast - "Yeah but I'm sexy. Let's go get a drink and discuss hip hop and how it's affecting racial views and social structures in this modern society."
Yeti - "Let's go to the strip club instead."
Manbeast - "You're on you furry bitch."
Yeti and Nickhead Manbeast then proceeded to the strip club. After a dozen beers and a couple dozen dollar dances they became the best of friends. Years later Manbeast was touring with two of the original members of Whitesnake when the tour bus broke down on a back road in Oregon. Luckily there was a film crew nearby shooting a series of beef jerky commercials titled "Messin with Sasquatch." Yeti was directing. Manbeast and Yeti took Yeti's private jet to LA that night to tear it up California style. They double teamed a cross-eyed siamese amputee baboon for old-times sake. I love happy endings.
THE END
posted by Nickhead at 1:28 PM
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