SOLD OUT

Go ahead.... try not to bust a move.

Friends and colleauges, I present....... my favorite band. Led by Elvis Stamos with his partner Don Ho Tuxedo. Backing them up are the sultry and soothing sounds of the fake Christopher Walken and the Nursing Home Neanderthals. They are on a rocket ship straight to the top of the charts. You just wait.

Actually I did try to attend a concert this Friday but it wasn't for Elvis Stamos, but it was definately sold out. Me, Predator, and Quintuple L went to see Theory of a Deadman. (I'll give you the first 4 L's of Quintuple L. Little Larry Long Limbs. I cannot reveal the last L or he will most certainly kick my ass, anyway back to the concert.) The three of us find out that there is another concert outdoors at the same building. We decide to take a cab since finding parking would be not so much fun. So we spend 12 bucks on the cab and get dropped off in front of the bar. We walk up to the entrance and are greeted by a giant SOLD OUT sign. Great.

What the fuck do we do now. We didn't want to get another cab right away because we just paid to be dropped off here. We decide to walk down the street to this dive bar called Tornadoes. Mostly tatts and mullets in this place so we fit right in with our striped polo's and showered appearance. One thing worth mentioning did happen though. Predator was waiting for the bartender to get his pitcher and got to see her jiggle her naked boobie at the cook. Bonus.

After we finish the pitcher we head across the bridge to hit another bar. As soon as we get onto the bridge the mouth-watering smell of rotting fish and human poop assaults our nostrils. There are also swarms of moths aound the lights on the bridge. Not a very nice place. That doesn't stop the white trash fishermen though. Right about half way across there is a group of 3 or 4 dudes standing in the middle of a moth swarm casting their lines into the smelly water. Apparently they are trying to catch the elusive turd-eating bass that swims in these parts. Anyway we walk past Jethro and the gang and end up sitting on a park bench. I decide to call our friend Lance Hammerdown and Mrs. Hammerdown to see if he was anywhere near us to come pick us up so we wouldn't have to call another cab. He was on the complete opposite end of town but he came and got us anyway. Thanks Lance old friend.

When we get into Lance's SUV our friend Ted Danson and his girlfriend Sexy Britches are in there. Those two and Mrs. Hammerdown have strange looks on their faces as if someone had let loose a stank bomb of considerable stench. Ted is pretty famous for the potency of his ass gas and apparently had dropped one shortly before picking us up. The smell of Poop River had been so bad I couldn't smell a thing. I was very disappointed. Ted's farts are an experience.