Santa Plans Retaliation

North Pole, Arctic Ice Cap - In response to the actions of Ron Storia of Maimi Beach, FL, Kris Kringle aka Santa Claus is planning revenge with colleagues of the highest caliber.

Santa's was enraged by a story he read on local6.com this morning while enjoying his daily irish coffee. "I was just relaxing and perusing through the internet news and was shocked to see some douchebag hung me from a tree. I brought that little asshole a top of the line BMX bike for his 10th Christmas. Where's the grattitude?"

Santa immediatly began planning revenge for this atrocious act. "I've been able to ignore the increasing hostility toward Christmas the last few years, but this is just too much. You want a piece of me Ron? Be careful what you wish for. I've been known to grant wishes from time to time."


Rumor has it Santa has recruited two wild and crazy hooligans to assist in his counter-attack. Back from a year long tour of small bars in the midwest with very poor attentdance, Diamond David Lee Roth agreed to be the first member of the YTR... Yule Tide Renegades.

Diamond Dave had suggested a second member for the team. A man who was no stranger to death and danger. A man with flowing chest hair and angelic singing voice loved by thousands in Germany. Thats right, the Hoff.

At the time of publication for this story Mr. Kringle was in negotiations with a secret operative (code name JC) about a third member of the dreaded YTR. Known for a bulging groin, decadent partying, and grinding vocals, Bon Scott of the rock and roll band AC/DC has been leaked as this possible third member.

When asked how Bon Scott could help considering he choked on his own vomit and died 25 years ago Santa replied, "You don't know JC..... he has connectoins."

When asked what he was planning to do to Mr. Storia, Santa replied, "Bags of poop, eggs, toilet paper in his trees, maybe even the old plastic wrap on the car trick. We are going all out. When you fuck with the Santa, you just may get the Claus."

Good luck boys, YTR 4 life.