Have Another Smoke, Croaky

She was prolly much larger than this.

A call from this morning. I wish I could've recorded this lady's voice. She sounded like a warty toad who'd been smoking filterless Lucky Strikes one after the other for about 30 years. Needless to say I had a raging boner. Now I don't normally make fun of people who don't deserve it. This lady was both stupid and mean, so fuck her.


Troubleshooting with Kermit the Croaky Bitch - 6/8/05 8:24AM

Nickhead - Thank you for calling (company name) internet support center, my name is Nickhead, may I have your telephone number please...

Croaky Bitch - hahahahahahahaha. 555-855-5585.

I had no idea what was so funny but I'm pretty sure she was laughing at my pleasant polite voice when she knew damn well she was going to be a complete asshole bitch to me.

Nickhead - What can I help you with today Croaky Bitch?

Croaky Bitch - Well, my internet's been down for two days.

Nickhead - Well I'm sorry to hear about the trouble let me check your cable modem it should just take about half a minute.

Croaky Bitch - croak.. (it wasnt really a croak, more of a disgusted grunt)

Nickhead - well candy britches, your modem is online and is working fine but doesn't see that your computer is asking for the internet connection.

Croaky Bitch - (revving up her bitch engines ,prolly about 2nd gear) thats what they told me last time... and they did some special type thing there and it started working.

I checked the notes and yes the same thing was happening last time she called in. Modem online but seeing no customer computer. All they told her to do was shut down the computer and start it back up and she hung up on them.

Nickhead - well bitchtits, the modem is fine so there really isn't anything I can change here that would fix the problem but I'd be happy to help you troubleshoot things on the computer to try to fix this.

Croaky Bitch - well I'm kinda disabled I don't wanna do that....... (now I'm not one to make fun of disabled people, but seriously, if you're "able" enough to use a computer when the internet is working, why are you suddenly too handicapped to use a mouse when it's not.)

Nickhead - I understand but that's really all we can do, if I were to send a tech out all he would do is check the modem and I can see that it's working fine.

Croaky Bitch - how long would that take.

Nickhead - how long would what take.

Croaky Bitch - for you people to come fix my modem.

Nickhead - thats what I just explained to you ma'am (dumb shit), everything is fine on the cable end so our tech wouldn't have anything to fix, its a problem on the computer end.

Croaky Bitch - well I'll just call my computer guy and then.... then I'll just look for a new provider.

Nickhead - Like I said ma'am I'd be happy to help (click) ...you...trouble...shoot............... fucking bitch.

Toads should not be allowed to own computers.

Update - 6/14/05 2:38PM

This crazy lady has called in three times today and talked to some of my co-workers here and has had the EXACT SAME CONVERSATION with all three of them. Each time she says she's going to go to another provider. After she hangs up she must smoke another carton and change her mind and call us back to torture us a bit more. The last time she called in the tech said she was swearing obscenities at her husband and threw her router. God damn thats hot.