Fuck You Taco Bell, Seriously.

Headquarters of the Evil Empire.

I was arrested this Saturday night for drunk driving. I was safely at home and very hungry thinking about ordering a pizza which would allow me to stay safely within my living room. Then it happened. On the TV i see delicious tacos and burritos of every race, religion, and social class. MMMM tacos. There is nothing better than drunken tacos after midnight. The man on the commercial begins to speak to me. "Nick, we're open late buddy. Real late. Drive through is open until like 3am. Why you ask? Because we know all you drunk bastards are hungry for nasty tacos at that hour and we like to make money. So get in your car, Nick. Drive on down we're only a couple blocks away. Don't worry, soon you'll be back home with a bag full of hot beefy mexican goodness."

I gave in. I jump in the g-ride Nissan Sentra and head off to the Bell. Hell, its only a mile away. What are the chances I'll get pulled over. Turns out 100%. About half way there I see a car behind me and notice it has lights on the top. Not good. It follows my for about three blocks but never turns on its lights. Just when I was thinking I was going to get lucky I see the dreaded flashing bulbs. Fuck. Fuckin shit. So I pull into the Taco Bell parking lot and the officer comes to my door and asks for my liscence and insurance and tells me I was speeding. 45 in a 35. He smells alchohol in the vehicle and after a series of embarassing sobriety tests he gives the breathalizer and instead of going home with a sack full of piping hot diahrrea fuel I end up spending the next 24 hours in a cell with 15 other drunk people at the county jail. Below you will see my mug shot. Looking good, aren't I? Yeah... I pretty much get calls daily from magazines begging me to model their shit. But, you know. I'm not into the whole "using my looks for money" thing. You understand.



It was a rough night.