Anyone have one of these? - My Week in Jail Day I

I was stupid and careless and got my second drunk driving charge in August. One of the penalties is 7 days in the county jail. I started serving my sentence yesterday afternoon at 4:15PM. It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, but then again I had thoughts of sodomy and shankings so even though none of that happened, it still wasn't what I'd call "fun", or "comfortable". I thought I'd document a timeline of what went on last night, just in case anyone is interested what life is like in the county lockup.

4:15PM - I show up at the jail and pay my rent for the week, 182 dollars exact, in cash. Also 10 dollar locker fee and 10 dollar drug test fee (which they never gave me).

4:30PM - After being booked in, getting another mug shot, etc, I was shown to the locker room area where I'm told to strip naked. "Lift up your sack.... good, now bottoms of your feet... good, now turn around and spread your cheeks... good." I don't think he really meant "good". My buttcrack is like the Amazon jungle in springtime - thick, damp, and full of wild game. I could have hidden a fully loaded AK-47 up there and he wouldn't have seen. There's a nice visual for you.

4:45PM - I am led into my new home. About 22 rough looking guys all stopped what they were doing to check out the new guy. Talk about awkward.

6:00PM - The TV turns on and I climb down out of my bunk where I had been laying and trying like Dorothy to click my jail-issue slippers together to get my ass home. Didn't work by the way.

8:30PM - Some black dude who had been in his bunk since I got there starts having a seizure. He ends up being ok but we had about 6 medical people in there and he got carried out on a stretcher. One of the medical people in there was a female. Once she left all the guys were talking about her. "She looked like she would have been a wild fuck." "Yeah man I could tell she wanted me, as soon as she stepped in here she was instantly wet." Don't let anyone tell you inmates aren't gentlemen.

9:30PM: We were watching CSI: Miami and the guy sitting next me didn't like one of the actresses. Everytime she would say a line he would say the same thing. "Maaan, what a fuck-in bitch." The first few times I turned my head and kinda smirked, wanting to be socialble. But after about a half hour of it I couldn't bring myself to respond.

11PM: Lights out and everyone shuts up except the three brothas. They stayed up until 2AM talking about Young Jeezy's slammin new jam.

2:30AM(approx): I was awakened by the loudest fart I had ever heard in my life. Nuclear blast. The three brothas go wild. "Daaaaaaaaamn!" One of the funniest things I've ever heard while in jail. Wait, I have only been there about 10 hours.

5:15AM: Everyone is awakened for breakfast. Cocoa Puffs. 23 grown men in jail eating cocoa Puffs. "Look, Killer Mike, my milk turned chocolate!".

5:45AM: One of the guys gets up hacking like crazy. He goes into the bathroom/shower area and starts coughing to the point that he starts gagging and throwing up. It sounded like he was puking up chunks of lung. This almost makes me gag. I sit up to take my slippers off and realize my sheet is missing. It had fallen through the crack between the wall and my bunk and was half laying on the guy below me. God damn it.


That was basically it for my first night in jail. I slept until I got to leave to come to work and here I am. More updates to come.