My very first post.... god thats hot.
I'm using green because I'm cool. Don't ask questions. I'm posting a couple things I've documented this week from some conversations with awesome people..err.. stupid ass customers. I've decided to continue to write stuff down because theres's a chance (even though very remote) that I might not have to deal with morons all day to earn money, and might like to look back on this as a learing experience..yeah..whatever. So here's some shit. Eat it.
Excellent call - 5/25/05 10AM
Customer - Yes, I called in to reactivate my internet two weeks ago and its still not working.
Me - Well I'm sorry to hear that Customer, it looks like your cable modem is online so lets check some things on your computer.
Customer - Ok Im at it right now (impatient tone)
At this point I walk her through checking her network connections which say her network cable is unplugged. So obviously this is the first thing I tell her to check. But before even checking she asks me "Well is that the problem?" "Why isn't it plugged in?" ....
Me (in my head) - How the fuck should I know?!?! (to customer) I really wouldn't know Ma'am.
Now after about 20 minutes of me first trying to get her to the right place to plug the cable into her computer and then getting her to plug it into the modem everything works. Some random conversation points during this whole thing.
Me - Do you have a light underneath port 1,2,3, or 4?
Customer - well yeah I have a bunch of green lights on that box thing.
Me (in my head) - Did you even listen to what I asked you.
Customer - Well I don't know I just want the thing to work when I want it to work.
Me (in my head) - Do you expect your TV or toaster to work when its not fucking plugged in?
Me (after finally getting things plugged in and repairing her connection) - Ok try it now it should be working for you.
Customer - Yeah yeah, shoulda woulda coulda... doesn't mean its going to.
Me (In my head) - I hate you.
Customer - Yeah, I prolly should take a class or read a book to get literate on these computer things.
Me (in my head) - Unless its a 4 year degree in common sense you're talking about, you'll need much more help than that........ or.... You can read? Congrats!
One more thing about this call that blows my mind. You called me two weeks ago to reactivate your cable modem. Possibly after an hour.. four hours..a day.. a couple days go by and its still not working, you might consider calling back. But you wait TWO FUCKING WEEKS and then put your bitchy boots on with me because you've been without internet for so long.
Oh yeah, another one more thing.. after acting like she had changed nothing and expecting that I should somehow cosmically know how her network cable got unplugged, I finally get it out of her that her daughter had taken her computer with her and this was a different computer that had been hooked up two weeks ago... or apparently not hooked up two weeks ago. Why do they do this to me.
5/27/05 - 8:22AM
I hate people. This lady just called me entirely fed up with us because her password was missing from her dial up connection window. Fuck her. It was the first call of the day and I'm still hungover so I actually got a bit snippy with her..(. wait ... did I just type snippy?) because she was being such a cunt ass bitch. "This is the third time this has happened in the last year"... well excuse fuck me that your computer has been retarded three times in the last year, bitch, but that has absolutely nothing to do with your internet provider. I explained this to her in much more better words. (Grammar badness on purpose).
Then after I fixed her stupid password problem she was all nice and asked me to come over after work for some crazy hot sex action. I considered it because it would be pretty fantastic if she was all bitchy with me.. "You're doing it all wrong stupid fucker.. TWO fingers in my ass..dumb ass computer geek..now put these clamps on your nipples and slap me really hard in the face"................. gladly.
Excellent call - 5/25/05 10AM
Customer - Yes, I called in to reactivate my internet two weeks ago and its still not working.
Me - Well I'm sorry to hear that Customer, it looks like your cable modem is online so lets check some things on your computer.
Customer - Ok Im at it right now (impatient tone)
At this point I walk her through checking her network connections which say her network cable is unplugged. So obviously this is the first thing I tell her to check. But before even checking she asks me "Well is that the problem?" "Why isn't it plugged in?" ....
Me (in my head) - How the fuck should I know?!?! (to customer) I really wouldn't know Ma'am.
Now after about 20 minutes of me first trying to get her to the right place to plug the cable into her computer and then getting her to plug it into the modem everything works. Some random conversation points during this whole thing.
Me - Do you have a light underneath port 1,2,3, or 4?
Customer - well yeah I have a bunch of green lights on that box thing.
Me (in my head) - Did you even listen to what I asked you.
Customer - Well I don't know I just want the thing to work when I want it to work.
Me (in my head) - Do you expect your TV or toaster to work when its not fucking plugged in?
Me (after finally getting things plugged in and repairing her connection) - Ok try it now it should be working for you.
Customer - Yeah yeah, shoulda woulda coulda... doesn't mean its going to.
Me (In my head) - I hate you.
Customer - Yeah, I prolly should take a class or read a book to get literate on these computer things.
Me (in my head) - Unless its a 4 year degree in common sense you're talking about, you'll need much more help than that........ or.... You can read? Congrats!
One more thing about this call that blows my mind. You called me two weeks ago to reactivate your cable modem. Possibly after an hour.. four hours..a day.. a couple days go by and its still not working, you might consider calling back. But you wait TWO FUCKING WEEKS and then put your bitchy boots on with me because you've been without internet for so long.
Oh yeah, another one more thing.. after acting like she had changed nothing and expecting that I should somehow cosmically know how her network cable got unplugged, I finally get it out of her that her daughter had taken her computer with her and this was a different computer that had been hooked up two weeks ago... or apparently not hooked up two weeks ago. Why do they do this to me.
5/27/05 - 8:22AM
I hate people. This lady just called me entirely fed up with us because her password was missing from her dial up connection window. Fuck her. It was the first call of the day and I'm still hungover so I actually got a bit snippy with her..(. wait ... did I just type snippy?) because she was being such a cunt ass bitch. "This is the third time this has happened in the last year"... well excuse fuck me that your computer has been retarded three times in the last year, bitch, but that has absolutely nothing to do with your internet provider. I explained this to her in much more better words. (Grammar badness on purpose).
Then after I fixed her stupid password problem she was all nice and asked me to come over after work for some crazy hot sex action. I considered it because it would be pretty fantastic if she was all bitchy with me.. "You're doing it all wrong stupid fucker.. TWO fingers in my ass..dumb ass computer geek..now put these clamps on your nipples and slap me really hard in the face"................. gladly.
posted by Nick at 1:42 PM
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