Today I got another customer calling in due to us "kickin her off" the internet. I would like to share.

Customer - I'm trying to use the internet and you guys keep kickin me off. (Tone = bitchy and rude.)

Me - First of all I'm sorry to hear about the trouble, what exactly do you mean by "kicking you off", are you on the internet and it stops displaying websites?

Customer - Well, Im just on the internet and then I get kicked off. (This lady could join the lady from a couple days ago to form the Incredibly Vague Duo, and travel the earth refusing to be specific.)

Me - What do you see on your screen when this happens ?

Customer - This box comes up and says internet explorer has a problem.

Me - That means the program internet explorer is failing on your computer and windows can't run it anymore.

Customer - But I've never had any problems with it before. The computer's only two years old. (How old does your computer have to be before it's allowed to be shitty?)

Me - Well it doesnt really matter how old your computer is ma'am, or that it hasn't had any issues previously, the fact is that the probelm you are describing is a software problem and not a connection problem.

Customer - So how do i fix it. (She is very annoyed now.)

Me - Sometimes problems can be caused by viruses or spyware, do you have any protection from those things?

Customer - We have Norton. Just renewed Norton. Never had any problems with Norton before.

Me - If you go to download.com you can get free spyware removal programs that can remove some of the stuff Norton doesn't look for.

Customer - Well I've never had any troubles before. This just started a week ago and my sister is having the same problem and she uses you for internet so we just figured you guys were having problems.

Me - Ma'am, it really doesn't matter when the problem started or if your sister is having computer problems as well, the fact remains that the problem you are describing is a computer problem and nothing I do from this end is going to help, you may need to contact the computer manufacturer or a computer repair shop if the spyware removal program doesnt fix it.

Customer - (She's completely pissed off now. I mean I don't blame her. I personally snuck into her house and downloaded a bunch of spyware on her computer last night.) Well I've never had a problem before. I'll just call the computer people. CLICK.

Someone explain to me when a customer is having a problem and calls their internet provider and is told that the issue is with their computer they respond with, "well I wasn't having problems last week/yesterday, so how can it be my computer". I just want to ask them, "When would be a legitimate timeframe that your computer can start having problems? When your car breaks down do you call your mechanic and argue with them that you were just driving it yesterday so there can't be a problem with it today? When is the appropriate time for your computer to fuck up?"

This lady also pulled out another one of my favorite reasons why it can't possibly be a computer problem and has to me my fault. Her sister was having problems too. Somehow this is rock solid proof that her computer is fine. How much do you wanna bet that they both opened the same shitty forward that took them to the same stupid website that had some crappy animation of a flower blooming or some shit and ended up with a nice little spyware program that screwed up Internet Explorer. Bitch please.