The True Story of Grizzly Adams, Part II

Nectar. Sweet Nectar.

Bob "Grizzly" Adams came back to the mountains feeling mighty low. He set up camp in a secluded area of the Rockies and did all he could to keep his mind off sweet Daisy and her cheeks of delicious goodness. He tried hunting, too easy. He tried fishing, too boring. He tried tree-limb gymnastics, to gay. What was Grizzly to do. What would you do stuck out in the woods depressed and bored out of your mind. You would do what Bob decided to do. Drink. Drink a lot. Drink a lot of Old Milwaukee.

So it began. Bob "Grizzly" Adams' decline into the drunkard fog. Six months later Bob was a full fledged alcoholic. He had a deal with the Old Mil distributor from town to leave a pallet of the Red Delicious near the road for him every week. Things kept getting worse and just when the Griz was about to throw in the towel and end it all, he came upon a companion. A friend for life. Pictured below is a recreation of what Bob may have seen that fantastic day. A bear cub. A bear cub smashed out of his brain on Wild Turkey. Bob knew instantly they would be life long friends when the bear cub looked up in a drunken stare and slurred, "What. What the fuck are you staring at beardy? I'll kick your furry faced ass, trust me on that one."



I can't feel my face.

Bob and the cub became fast friends. When the cub wasn't wasted he was the nicest bear you'd ever meet. Bob decided to name him Gentle Ben. Bob raised Ben to adolescence through nuturing, caring, and drunken whoring. Below are some photos of the good times.



Good morning o' beautiful mountains.


Hurry up with my dinner, beardy!

But as we all know the good times rarely last. And this story is no different. As the drinking and whoring increased over the years, so did Gentle Ben's temper. Sometimes Bob would bring back a couple of dirty bitches from the bar and Ben would be so tanked he couldn't even get an erection. It was times like these Gentle Ben became Not-so Gentle Ben. I'm talkin' Down-right-rude Ben. He would force ladies to give him lap dances and if that didn't get him off he would verbally abuse her until she cried. Horrible, terrible things. He would force Bob to do jumping jacks in his dirty underwear while singing John Denver songs in falsetto. Once Gentle Ben got shit-faced on Captain Morgan and after filling his bear diaper with a giant load, proceeded to take it off and chase Bob and three half-naked ladies around the fire swinging the shit bomb around wildly.

One night, after a week long drunk, Bob "Grizzly" Adams spilled the beans to Gentle Ben about the whole ordeal with Uncle Jesse and Daisy and how he was shunned from the profitable moonshine business he helped to build. Gentle Ben was outraged. The two drunks who became brothers now had a purpose in life. Revenge. They would go to Tennssee and do what needed to be done. They would rob Uncle Jesse and destroy the moonshine factory.

Part three of the True Story of Grizzly Adams coming soon.