My Week in Jail - Day 2
4:45PM - Check into the jail after work. Once again I get to strip down naked and display the underneath of my hairy beanbag and the crack of my ass. I spend the next couple hours laying in my bunk reading and getting really sore. Plus the book is super boring. All the books in our cell have been super boring. Do I seem like I'm bitching? Oh yeah, I am. Jail kinda sucks.
8:00PM - We get a new guy in our cell. He's chubby and quiet and looks kinda scared to be there. Later on I find out that was the wrong impression. I notice he starts drinking glass after glass of water.
9:30PM - Three guys go to take their piss tests to see if they qualify for work release. One guy is sure he is going to pass.
11:00PM - Lights out and all 24 of us are snuggled in our bunks like god's little criminals. The brothas and the comedian guy are talking about football when the news comes that comedian guy passed his piss test. He's happy. Other piss test guy who was sure he was going to pass keeps saying, "If you passed, I passed. I know that for a fact. If you passed, I passed. Hell yes. If they tell me I'm dirty, I'm gonna make them test me again, right then and there. Thats what I'm gonna do. Yeah." Then one of the brothas says," You ain't gonna make them do nothin muthafucka. When's the last time you smoked?"
Piss Test - "Sunday."
Brotha - "Sunday? What makes you think you gonna be clean?"
Piss Test - "Well if he passed, I passed, thats what I'm sayin."
Brotha - "Funny man smoked like half a J three weeks ago, you said you smoked on Sunday."
Piss Test - "So what, I drank a bunch of water."
This is when the new guy who was completely silent until now starts talking. It takes me a while to even figure out it's him because he's down below on one of the bunks. Plus his voice is all low and grindy. Reminded me of an 80 year old cajun man.
New Guy - "Shit, you muthafuckas talkin about weed man. I'm on that good shit. The heroin, the Denzel. I do so much of that shit that when I smoke crack it just make me saaad."
The new guy had been drinking so much water he had made himself sick and was puking water and pissing every 5 minutes. "Man I'm pissin so much when I piss, it hurt."
12:00AM - Piss test guy finds he failed the urine test.
7:00AM - Heroin guy finds out he passes his urine test. There you have it kids. If you're gonna do drugs before you go to jail, do the hard shit. Drink enough water and you'll pass your piss test. See.... the system does work. Crazyness.
8:00PM - We get a new guy in our cell. He's chubby and quiet and looks kinda scared to be there. Later on I find out that was the wrong impression. I notice he starts drinking glass after glass of water.
9:30PM - Three guys go to take their piss tests to see if they qualify for work release. One guy is sure he is going to pass.
11:00PM - Lights out and all 24 of us are snuggled in our bunks like god's little criminals. The brothas and the comedian guy are talking about football when the news comes that comedian guy passed his piss test. He's happy. Other piss test guy who was sure he was going to pass keeps saying, "If you passed, I passed. I know that for a fact. If you passed, I passed. Hell yes. If they tell me I'm dirty, I'm gonna make them test me again, right then and there. Thats what I'm gonna do. Yeah." Then one of the brothas says," You ain't gonna make them do nothin muthafucka. When's the last time you smoked?"
Piss Test - "Sunday."
Brotha - "Sunday? What makes you think you gonna be clean?"
Piss Test - "Well if he passed, I passed, thats what I'm sayin."
Brotha - "Funny man smoked like half a J three weeks ago, you said you smoked on Sunday."
Piss Test - "So what, I drank a bunch of water."
This is when the new guy who was completely silent until now starts talking. It takes me a while to even figure out it's him because he's down below on one of the bunks. Plus his voice is all low and grindy. Reminded me of an 80 year old cajun man.
New Guy - "Shit, you muthafuckas talkin about weed man. I'm on that good shit. The heroin, the Denzel. I do so much of that shit that when I smoke crack it just make me saaad."
The new guy had been drinking so much water he had made himself sick and was puking water and pissing every 5 minutes. "Man I'm pissin so much when I piss, it hurt."
12:00AM - Piss test guy finds he failed the urine test.
7:00AM - Heroin guy finds out he passes his urine test. There you have it kids. If you're gonna do drugs before you go to jail, do the hard shit. Drink enough water and you'll pass your piss test. See.... the system does work. Crazyness.
posted by Nick at 1:22 PM
1 Comments:
Who'dathunkit? Jail is edu-tainment!
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