Turd Sprinkles

Step #1: Pinch a healthy turd like the one below. Niiiiiiice.



Step #2: Microwave said turd for approximately 10-15 minutes on full power to dry it out. Nevermind the smell, it's just nature's way of saying, "Hey, you're cooking poop!"



Step #3: Grate the shriveled ass nugget like a block of hard cheddar. Gloves? Why bother.



Step #4: Bottle it up and.... enjoy! Turd Sprinkles; brings out the poop eater in anyone.



Sadly, this is not my idea. More sadly, someone did this. Most sadliest and extremely disgustingliest is that he put his poop sprinkles on pastries in a grocery store for unknowing people to eat.

Man Found Guilty of Spreading Feces on Store Food
DALLAS, Texas A Dallas cab driver was found guilty Wednesday of creating a public health danger, after spreading dried feces on food in a grocery store. 49-year-old Behrouz Nahidmobarekeh was convicted of sprinkling fecal matter on pastries and baked goods at a Fiesta grocery store. Police found a pile of human feces by his bed. They believe he would dry it, either by microwave or just let it sit out, then grate it up and sprinkle it at the store. During the trial, prosecutors showed a store surveillance videotape of the defendant, which shows him sprinkling a substance on the food. The sentencing phase of the trial begins Thursday.
(© MMV, CBS Broadcasting, Inc. All Rights Reserved.)

Link to the real story has a surveilance video of him doing the nanstyness.

And then... Speaking of surveilance videos, here are two clips from Best Buy cameras. Mullet Ninja and Dipshit Travolta.

And then... What if Fox News had been around throughout history. Here they are covering some of the big events.

And then... Besides the fact that you are 1000 feet in the air in a wicker basket suspended from a fucking balloon that you are shooting giant flames into.... here's another reason you will never see me in a hot air balloon. "A woman helping to launch her husband's hot air balloon Sunday got caught in one of its ropes, pulled into the air and hit a tree before falling 50 feet and crashing through a barn's roof, police said."

And then............... no and then.