Information Whore: September 2006

Inspiration

The Iowan Hawks are facing off with the Ohioan Buckeyes tomorrow. The Ohioans are ranked as the best. I have found some quotes for inspiration. Read them.

"And we will ram our will into the butts of the enemy, and we shall emerge victorious." - Socrates shortly before his last battle in Vietnam.

"Bow down to the man with no name, for he shall remain nameless." - Ceasar..... well technically Ceasar's nephew Jim. There's a reason you've never heard of him.

"Aaaaaagh! He makes me really mad!" - Turbo from American Gladiators.

"Remember when the chips are down, do not frown, for you are not the only clown in town, Charlie Brown." - Snoopy trying to cheer up Charlie Brown after he found out Lucy gave him the herps.

"Strategery" - George W. Bush

"You see that guy? Punch his testicles." - My high school football coach.

"Remember that football is not just a game. It is not simply two teams competing. It is not just about who wins or loses. Remember.... it is also men in very tight pants rubbing up against each other." - Also my high school football coach.

"Don't bend over in front of coach." - My assistant high school football coach.

"If something's hard to do, then it's not worth doing." - Homer Simpson

And last but certainly not least, Hawkeyes, don't get distracted. Especially by pretty fine girls. As the great Daryl Nathan says..... "they'll mess yo mind up."

Dear Jake "The Snake" Plummer,

Don't pay any attention to the Denver fans. I know you still have what it takes. You didn't come down from the mountains of Peru as a child only to be boo'd by the people of America. I still have faith in you, Jake. Sure, 4 interceptions and a lost fumble in the season opener is not a "stellar" or even a "decent" performance, but you will bounce back. I know this because any man who would do a press conference looking like Tommy Chong has large testicles. I'm betting on those testicles, Jake.

Your Friend and loyal Broncos fan,

Nick

Sometimes I laugh

Sometimes I cry

Sometimes I poop

And I don't know why

Sometimes I smile

Sometimes I frown

Sometimes I shart

It turns my underwear brown

Sometimes I sing

Sometimes I shout

Sometimes I use bleach

To get the butt piss stains out

The End

Grimace Art

I love Grimace... or I hate him. I can't decide. Grimace is the gum drop looking thing that was in the McDonald's commercials with weirdo Ronald and the fry guys and the hamburgler. There were some other muppet-types too. Anyway that's beside the point. The point is I have done some Grimace art for the world to enjoy. You can thank me later.