Lord of the Dance Try-outs

So I've decided to stop procrastinating my dreams and try out for a local production of Lord of the Dance. The try-outs were last night and I was super nervous because the Lord himself Michael Flatley was coming to observe. I had gone out for hot wings and beer the night before and wasn't feeling too well. I put on my tights and headband and was doing my stretches when a terrible bloating sensation began to torment my abdomen. I was just about to sprint to the bathroom when I was called onto the stage. You know how sometimes when you have gas you let out a small fart with every step you take. Well imagine that scenario combined with the furious stomping of Lord of the Dance. Machine gun flatulence. At the very end of the dance there is a hard stomp with both feet simultaniously. This was concerning me because by bowels were feeling more unstable by the minute. I used every ounce of my being to clench my cheeks but that ended up being the biggest mistake. As the music came to an end I thrust both legs down onto the stage and my sphinchter let loose. The floodgates opening combined with the super-tight clench I had on my buttcheeks produced what can only be described as a butt-piss explosion. The rear of my hot pink tights suddenly were dark brown and the pressure had blown splatter marks all up my naked back. The smell was horrid and the other candidates were beside themselves laughing hysterically. I could have stabbed myself in the face when I heard Michael Flatley bellowing with laughter. But then he began to speak and what he said changed my life forever.

"HAHAHAHAHA! This is what we need! The dedication! The sworn oath to be Lord of the Dance no matter the cost! At first I thought you were much too chubby but now I see you belong on my worldwide tour! Welcome aboard my friend!"

Never forget your dreams. Even when you have a horrid case of the butt-piss.